Last night, W and I decided it was time for a girls night out. We hadn’t seen each other in awhile (seriously, like a month) and we wanted to go some place quiet and get a few drinks. We found the place, our usual hang out in town, which is a seedy little bar with a regular crowd that I would never regularly hang out with.
The interesting thing is, no matter how long it is between visits from W and I, we’re never forgotten in this bar. They know us, they know our drink, they even know where we like to sit when we come in. So, we go to our barstools and sit and this bald weirdo comes over and stands next to me. Now, we had seen bald weirdo there before and he was totally invading my personal space so I was trying not to look at him. When I did, he winked. When he did, W and I moved to a booth. That guy ended up passed out on a bar stool and the owners had to call his MOTHER to come pick him up.
Anyway, there was another guy. He makes me wonder, why won’t some guys take “No” for an answer. W and I decided to play the photo game on one of the machines and he came and sat next to us. First he said he was a chiropractor and asked “Are you two girls waiting to hear what colleges accept you?” I said “No, I’m a lawyer.” W said “And I’m a teacher.” A few minutes later he told me he didn’t believe me so I showed him one of my cards, wishing he would go away. He asked for a dollar to play music, which I thought was totally rude, but I gave it to him thinking he would leave us alone if I did that. He came back.
Then he starts telling me he wished his hair was as beautiful as mine. I didn’t take my eyes off the game. I’ve heard enough cheesy pick up lines in my life. THEN he goes “Your nails are so pretty. Can I suck on your fingers?” That time, I did jerk, “Excuse me?” thinking I had heard him wrong. But I hadn’t. He said it again. The owner’s brother was standing with W and I at this point, in the event this got out of hand (he knew that we could handle it, but you never want to think you could have stopped something bad if you had the chance). This time I responded, “No, they stay pretty because I don’t let strangers suck on them.” The owner’s brother laughed so hard, I didn’t think he was going to be able to stand much longer.
This continued. He wanted more money. “Have you ever heard of ____ Oil? My family.” I grinned internally, knowing that company went bankrupt and was bought recently by another oil company. And knowing, if that really were his family, he wouldn’t be saying it.
“Here, I’ll give you my passport. I’ve been all over with it. You can have it.” I’m not sure what good a man’s passport would do me, so I responded with “That’s ok, I have my own and it’s pretty full too.” He took the bait, “Oh really, where do you travel?” I knew W knew what I was doing because she started to smile next to me. “I don’t like foreign travel that much anymore. I prefer Alaska.”
“Alaska? Why?” And he took the bait.
“Because that’s where my boyfriend is.”
“Did you send him there?”
“No he’s in the military. The Air Force.”
Normal guys would back down. He did not. He continued to ask questions like “So are you practically engaged? You wouldn’t cheat would you? Let me guess, you’re a good girl?” Finally, W and I had had enough and we left. Quickly. And drove to my house. Quickly. Hoping he didn’t follow us.
He didn’t. Good thing. If he had, he would have quickly learned I have a gun and an alarm system.